


Vigil

by TheSwordAndTheQuill



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Late night talks, spoilers for episodes 68 and 69
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 21:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8176462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSwordAndTheQuill/pseuds/TheSwordAndTheQuill
Summary: In the aftermath Vax has trouble sleeping.  Turns out, he's not the only one. Set directly after episode 69: Passed Through Fire.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm always hungry for more Cassandra, and even the most stoic people crack sometimes. Also, big brother Vax is a hill I will die on. So there we are. Unbeta'd because I have no patience.

He can’t sleep. 

By all rights Vax’ildan knows he should be exhausted, the physical and emotional toll of the last 24 hours hovers at the edge of his consciousness, present but not fully felt. They’ll arrive before long he has no doubt (even if he’s been finding himself needing less sleep since donning the Raven Queen’s mantle) but for the moment he’s content to be here, now, safe in a soft bed, the reassuring warmth of Keyleth comforting beside him. 

For a time he watches her sleep, watches the weight of grief slowly melting off her face with every even breath she takes. He reaches out and gently brushes back a stray lock of hair, his fingers lingering on the smooth skin of her cheekbone for a heartbeat or two. The knowledge of how close he came to loosing her too is an insistent rattling at the back of his heart that he’s choosing to ignore for now. For tonight its enough to know they’re all ok. 

They’re all ok.

A shudder of receding fear and anger trembles through him. It was close this time. The closest yet. Never would he admit it to the others, not even Scanlan, but in his heart of hearts he’d believed Percy lost to them. The grief of that, the shame of things left left unfinished between them, the agony of Vex’s stoney face, her unblinking heartbreak, it had nearly broken him. 

He needs be moving. Soundlessly he slips from the bed, hovering for for a moment to be sure he hasn’t disturbed Keyleth, and then leaves the room, quietly closing the door behind him. It’s late, well past three bells and the hall is deserted. The deep cold of Whitestone in winter bleeds into his bare feet and through the soft cotton of his sleep clothes. He welcomes it, picking a direction and walking with no destination in mind. He’ll clear his head then try and get some sleep. 

Twenty minutes later, as he slows to a stop at a bend in the halls that will lead him to the family wing of bedrooms he grudgingly admits to himself that maybe he’d had a destination after all. Rounding the corner he can see that Percy’s door is cracked open, soft firelight spilling out into the darkness in a golden pool. He approaches carefully, it seems unlikely that Percy is still awake reading or some such, but the man is stubborn enough and Vax decides to see if a scolding is in order. It’s for Percy’s own good, he decides, and it certainly has nothing to do with setting his own mind at ease. Not in the slightest. 

He sticks his head around the door an blinks to adjust his eyes to the light. The desk is empty, that’s a good sign, there’s an oil lamp burning low on the corner and a low fire in the fireplace but everything seems still. He edges further in, craning his neck to get a look at the fourposter bed across the room. Percy’s expression is still drawn, his skin slightly too translucent, like delicate paper stretched across the frame of fine bones in his face, but his cheeks have a healthy flush and his hair is rumpled in sleep. He looks so young without his glasses it gives Vax a moments pause, its easy to forget just how much the last son of Whitestone carries in the set of his shoulders. Vax gives himself one long moment to watch the steady rise and fall of his friend’s chest and then is about to turn and go when a small sound a few feet to his left makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He whirls, hands flying to his hips even though he’s left his daggers in the other room like a fool. 

Cassandra is perched in the window seat, half hidden in shadow, her hands raised in a mixture of greeting and placation. 

“Just me.” She says, and while there’s a crooked grin on her face he can see how raw her eyes are. 

“Sorry.” He says as he relaxes, uncertain if he means for sneaking into her brother’s room like a schoolboy or for interrupting her solitude, although there’s something in her face that makes him think maybe she’s had enough solitude to last her a lifetime.

“You’re not the only one.” She says, her smile deepening into something more genuine. “Pike was here for a while and then convinced Grog he didn’t need to sit in the hallway all night. Scanlan dropped off a book and made me promise not to read it.” Vax glances in the direction of her gaze and bites back a laugh at the sight of the tome, what had Gilmore called it? An instructional manual?

“Yeah, probably best.” He says with a low chuckle. Then after a moment, “Has my sister come by?”

“Not that I’ve seen.” Cassandra says and he tucks that little piece of information away for later. He hesitates for a moment, trying to decide if he should go when she says, 

“You’re welcome to stay if you want, you wont disturb him.” 

“Sure.” Vax finds himself saying before moving to sit on the other side of the window seat. He watches out of the corner of his eye as Cassandra pulls herself back into the shadows, tucking her knees to her chest and dropping her chin onto them, arms wrapped tight around her body. 

“Are you cold?” He asks before he can stop himself. She shakes her head, her eyes never leaving her brother’s face. 

“OK.” He says lamely and then settles back. They sit quietly for a while and he’s just beginning to doze when he hears her speak.

“I know it was bad.” She says, her voice low, dark. “but no one says how bad. Will you tell me what happened?” Vax hesitates, not wanting to relive the experience for his own sake as much as hers, but then he has a horrible, clear flash of a sunken tomb and Vex’s wide lifeless eyes and he understands the need hidden under Cassandra’s calm tone. 

He lays it out as clearly as he can, trying not to get tangled in his own emotions and guilt while at the same time holding nothing back. Its a difficult task and he keeps his focus on the flickering light of the dying fire until his finished. She says nothing for several long minutes after and finally he looks over at her. Silent dears spill down her face and she makes no move to wipe them away. Grimacing in sympathy he leans forward and touches her gently, the lightest brush against the cool skin of her wrist. Almost reflexively she opens her clenched fist and grabs his hand. As their fingers meet he watches her break apart, her free hand pressed to her mouth to stifle the sound of her sobs as they tear themselves out of her chest like wild creatures.

“Hey.” He says softly, scooting sideways to close the space between them, his free hand going to her hair as she drops her head to her knees and cries. “You’re OK.” He mummers, rubbing her shoulder comfortingly. “You’re OK. You’re not alone.” He stays with her, letting her cry it out, and wonders how long its been since she’s allowed herself this, a show of weakness, a reminder that she’s just a human who’s lost more than any one person should. He makes a point to be better about including her in their time at Whitestone, the company might do her good. 

As the storm of her grief passes he stays close until he feels her let go of his hand, then shifts back, giving her some space. After another moment or two she lifts her head to scrub at her cheeks and he’s relieved to see some of the tension has left her face. 

“Sorry.” She says, not looking at him and pulling an handkerchief out of a pocket in her skirt. “I didn’t mean to do that in front of anyone, how embarrassing.” She try to laugh it off but he shakes his head.

“Don’t apologize. This is hard. Its all been hard I suppose.” Her smile is shaky but real and he turns his attention back to the bed, giving her a minute to mop herself up under the pretense of making sure they haven’t disturbed Percy, though Vax seriously doubts a herd of rampaging drakes could wake the man at this point. When she speaks again, Cassandra’s voice is steady. 

“He never cried when we were little.” She says, her eyes distant. “I did. All the time. I’d scrape my knee or get into a fight with Vesper and he’d be there to clean me up, make things right. The first time I saw him cry was the day our parents died. He was everything to me. My best friend.” Vax smiles at the familiar imagery, two children, reliant on each other against the world, but he falters at the bleak expression that crosses Cassandra’s face. 

“Its like I hardly know him anymore.” She says, and somehow he knows she’s never said these words to anyone before. “There’s just so much time between us now, so much distance and—and betrayal.” Her voice trips on the last word and he can hear the pain it gives her. “Sometimes I think I lost him that night on the riverbank, that I gave him away and I’ll never get him back. And why should I? I turned my back on everything he—” Her breath catches and she shakes her head in defeat. 

“We were in Westruun not too long ago.” Vax says after a moment, feeling for the words he knows are building in his chest. “And for a while there it looked like the best choice was going to be to pack all the people up and leave the city to the Dragons. It was a solid plan, and honestly in the long run it may be that we made a mistake by not following through, but Percy was absolutely against it. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him dig his heels in like that before. Oh he likes to argue, more often than not against his own plan just to see if you’ll end up defending it for him, “ Cassandra’s mouth turns up in the hint of a smile and he presses forward, “but I’ve never seen him just refuse to even examine the other options like that before. He was adamant, the people of Westruun were going to stay in Westruun and that was that. At the time I was kinda pissed at him to be honest.” This admission gets an actual smile out of Cassandra and Vax returns it warmly. “It wasn’t until later that I understood. He told Keyleth, that he lives as long as Whitestone lives, that the reason why he couldn’t let the people Westruun give up on what they had built was because to do so would be to lose their legacy, and piece of their souls I guess. Do you understand?” She shakes her head, confusion playing across her expression. 

“Cassandra, this place,” He says gesturing broadly at the room, the window behind them, the dusting of lights burning in the sleepy town below. “Whitestone. This is the most important thing in Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III’s entire world. The safety of these walls, the people here, the legacy your family has built? Nothing is more important to him. Nothing. Everything he does is for the good of Whitestone, and part of that, the biggest part perhaps, is giving it to you. He trusts you, more than anyone, more than himself I think. He loves you.” The pain that flicks across her face is tinged with tenderness and Vax can’t help put reach out and put a hand on her arm. “It’s complicated. I know. But he is still your brother. We’re not going anywhere for a few days at least, he needs to regain his strength, spend some time together, I think you’ll be surprised at what you find.” 

She considers him for a long moment and then nods, and then yawns so deeply he laughs out loud. 

“Right.” He says, using the ‘big brother’ voice that Vex always gives him so much shit for. “Bedtime.” When she hesitates, her gaze flitting back to Percy, he stands and motions to the settee by the desk, a thick woven blanket draped invitingly across its back. “At least lie down for a few hours. You’ll need your strength tomorrow when he insists he’s fine even though he keeps falling over.” She rolls her eyes with a grin at this and lets him lead her to the little divan and settle her down onto it. He drapes the blanket over her and then on impulse leans in to press a kiss to her forehead. When he pulls away her eyes are full of tears again but her smile is bright. She reaches out and squeezes his hand briefly before snuggling into the pillows and closing her eyes. 

“Thank you Vax’ildan.” She mummers, weariness already creeping in. “For bringing him back to me.” 

“I promise you.” He says, even though she’s already asleep, “If it is in my power, you wont loose him again.” None of us will, he thinks, then turns and heads back to his own room. When he slips back into bed as soundlessly as he left, Keyleth mumbles in her sleep and turns into his arms. He threads his fingers through her hair, closes his eyes, and sleeps.


End file.
